Sunday, September 16, 2007

What's Been Eaten

I have a 4.5 year old black lab. She'll eat just about anything, dead or alive. One night while at a bar listening to some local music, me, my wife, and a friend decided to compile a list of all the things my dog has eaten or tried to eat. We quickly filled up a cocktail napkin. After two attempts to eat said napkin, I thought if might be a good idea to compile the list electronically, safe from my dog's indiscriminate palate. I'll add to the list as needed. Feel free leave your own pet's culinary adventures in the comments.

  1. Copious Halloween candy
  2. Body lotion (several brands)
  3. Carrots
  4. Celery
  5. Whole avocados (Never saw the pits pass but I assume they must have)
  6. 3/4 of an organic chocolate cake
  7. 2lbs of just cooked turkey breast (took her less than 5 seconds)
  8. National Geographic slipcases, 2006 and 2007 (She ate 2006 first. She ate 2007 the day my 2006 replacements arrived. Bitch.)
  9. Receipts too numerous to count
  10. Ditto the Kleenex
  11. Rotten fish and crab carcass at the beach
  12. Container of peanut butter
  13. Mai tai cocktail mix
  14. Chemical glow sticks (Nothing like coming home at midnight, not entirely sober, to find your downstairs carpet glowing like there had been a nuclear spill.)
  15. Large can of hot chocolate powder (My dog regretted this incident. Not only did she have a major sugar high, she had to down gallons of water, leading to a leak every 10 minutes for most of the night. I guess I regret the incident as well.)
  16. Bottle of maple syrup
  17. Horse dung
  18. Coffee grounds
  19. Douglas Futuyma's Evolution
  20. Multiple Christmas ornaments
  21. Small bottle of yellow paint (Color fortunately blended in with our area rug)
  22. Several Tupperware lids
  23. Corn cob (To be regurgitated a month later on my bed at 3:30 in the morning. Just about the only thing I know of she couldn't digest.)
  24. Loaves of bread
  25. BBQ grill cover
  26. Bags of chips
  27. Can of dog food (Chewed right through the metal to suck out the goods.)
  28. Microwave egg cooker
  29. Bar of soap (Which led to a vomit explosion, again on my bed.)
  30. Pepper shaker
  31. Several packs of gum (she still can't blow bubbles)
  32. $87 my brother left in our guest room (Had to cut a check for that one.)
  33. Jar of peanut butter
  34. Grapes (one at a time like a Roman matriarch)
  35. Blockbuster DVD-by-mail slipcase (Apparently, she didn't like the movie either.)
  36. Address book (If you haven't heard from me in a while, now you know why.)
  37. Mini book light (fixed with duct tape)
  38. Dust cover to Richard Dawkin's The God Delusion (I think my dog is a closet Deist)
  39. Central Market chocolate chip cookies
  40. Bag of cough drops (strawberry flavored)
  41. Twelve Christmas ornaments
  42. A wooden baby gate (We replaced it this evening with a metal one. Let's see her chew through that!)
I know there is more but as I said, she mangled the original list so I'm working off memory. I'll add more as they come back to me.


Rory said...

Don't forget the $87 she ate from my money clip that you had to cut me a check for.

Anonymous said...

Cameron, Great chuckle from your list...remember the rocks Augie ate out in Mullett Lake? Unbelieveable that dog survivies!
Mom Pat

Anonymous said...

Does she realize she is a dog? By the way, how much did you pay for that dog trainer anyway? Ever thought of outpatient therapy? Good luck when the baby comes...I can only imagine. You may want to think about a lock box! Ally

Paige said...

Cameron, that is hilarious. I haven't laughed like that in a long time! ...and most people think kids are expensive.

louie said...

does she eat her own poop like my dog does??????? Louie in Mich

Mom said...

I'm kinda worried about the baby....